A Woman's Worth~ part II

This is the story of a woman named "Sylvia". (You can thank seven year old, Finn, for that one!) She is married to her college sweetheart and they have 3 small children. Her husband, "Joe" is a likeable guy. He has a lot of friends and a great reputation, but often times, "Joe" comes home from work late, smelling of alcohol. "Sylvia" can't wait to discuss her day with him, and the kids all fight for his attention. But after he's been drinking, his moods become unpredictable. The slightest thing could set him off. He begins screaming at the children and at "Sylvia" for not being able to control them and the household. He says hurtful things such as, "You're worthless", "you're stupid" etc. "Sylvia" takes it, and takes it, and takes it. And the next day, once "Joe" is sobered up and back to normal, he acts as if nothing ever happened, and is his "sweet self."

Now there is nothing acceptable about this scenerio. Obviously, "Joe" needs to recognize his problem and face the music of his disease. But "Sylvia" is not helpless here. She is an enabler. "Joe" continues with this behavior because he can. He can give in to his selfish desires and then act out in any way the wind blows him, and there are no consequences for his actions. A very important lesson I've learned recently is, boundaries must be set, but setting boundaries for your spouse is a losing battle, you must set them for yourself. "Sylvia" would most likely get nowhere by telling her husband, "You are not allowed to drink anymore. When you drink, you become angry and mean, and it's disruptive to the kids and I." Now, most likely, she has already tried this, and got nowhere. Which is why she has resorted to just dealing. She must set the boundary for herself and then make it known to him. She could say something like, "I just want you to know, the next time you come home like that, the kids and I are going to give you your space, and keep ourselves busy in another room." Or if the situation got really bad, or even violent, it would be best for her to remove herself and the children from the household all together. And then she has to stick with what she says. Not get angry, frustrated, or try and yell back, but to just remove herself and her children from that hurtful situation. After all, that is her responsibility.

We can still be kind and to the point. Then stick to your guns and let him suffer the consequences of his actions. He may not feel it right away, but in "Joe's" case he is going to miss spending quality time with his kids in the evenings, he is going to miss them growing up, and he is going to find "Sylvia" slipping further and further away from him. Now, your situation might not be this extreme, you may be dealing with a husband who speaks to you with disrespect, or like my friend I mentioned earlier, a husband who is pulling away from you and refuses to take the initiative to work things out properly. You deserve boundaries. You don't deserve to be abused, or even treated with a "lax" attitude. You are special. You are beautiful. And you are worth fighting for. God never said this life would be easy, but He did say He wouldn't give us more than we can handle. And remember, you are only held accountable for what you do and do not do, you can't control someone else. He will be held accountable for his own actions one day. Ladies, don't be afraid to set some reasonable, stable boundaries for yourself in your marriage. I think we could all benefit from this advice:)

A Woman's Worth

I have a friend who is going through a rough time right now. She and her husband haven't been married very long and I believe they are going through what people call "the 7 year itch." Well, he is. Not her. She adores him and is willing to go to great lengths to heal whatever is broken between them. He does not share her heart for reconciliation. This is my first friend with REAL marriage trouble. When she cries, I cry. When her heart aches, so does mine. (Not quite as bad, I'm sure.) I have been praying for them constantly, asking God to do a miracle in their relationship. This girl is beautiful, smart, sweet, posesses a servants heart, and a quiet spirit- anyone would be lucky to have her. I reminded her of these things this morning, and then I was reminded of a time I felt un-important, and taken forgranted. That was the night God whispered to me this letter:

You're of far greater worth than rubies, not only for what you say and do, but because I fearfully made you. I see your heart, I formed your future. No one could love you as purely and passionately as I do. You could never be devalued, because you are precious in my sight. You're stamped with a purpose; spoken for. I'm your Savior, Redeemer, Healer, and Provider. Don't search for someone to take my place. I look at you, daughter, with complete adoration. You're more than anyone could ever hope for.

So, if there is anyone else out there made to feel like you're not worth much, not good enough, not pretty enough, whatever the insecurity may be, just remember that God formed you. He made you exactly the way you are, for a specific purpose. If those around you (husbands included) can't see you for all that you really are, it is time to set some boundaries.
To be continued....

Irresistable

Women, we ARE irresistable. Always have been- since the dawn of creation. Adam was made in the image of God; he was His masterpiece. He walked through lush gardens, talking with God. Adam had not a care in the world. Pain and discomfort didn't exist. Eden was perfect- except one thing. God knew it wasn't good for man to be alone (Gen 2:18), which is why He created Eve. She was the icing on the cake; the final work of God. Surely, we all are the finishing touch. We learned through the Rubies Series that we are inviting, powerful, important,-the essence of God in human form. No matter how you feel today, remember you are irresistibly desired and all of creation wouldn't have been complete without you.

Rubies Series-Day 4

The King is enthralled by your beauty.

-Psalm 45:11

The third and final heart characteristic to be covered is women's desire to unveil their beauty. "The desire to be beautiful is an ageless longing." It innocently begins in our little hearts as children, and rapidly grows into womanhood.

I am a nanny to an independent, fiery, four year old. Like a lot of little girls, she absolutely adores her daddy. Once in a while, he will treat her to a "date", which she anticipates all day long. A few days ago, we were up in her room, desperately trying to find the perfect outfit for her to wear later that evening on her date. I asked if she preferred pants to keep her little legs warm against the frigid temperatures, and she said,

"I just want to look beautiful."

Which resulted in a pink polka dot dress, and tights.

Let's go back to Cinderella...She was beautiful. Who doesn't love Cinderella? And all the other well-known princesses. How about the leading ladies of the bible- Ruth, and Esther? They all have two things in common, beauty and goodness.

"It's not just the desire for an outward beauty, but more- a desire to be captivating in the depths of who you are. Cinderella is beautiful, yes, but she is also good."

Inside and out, we desire to posess a beauty that is worth pursuing, worth fighting for, a beauty that is core to who we truly are. The essence of a man is strength, while the essence of a woman is beauty- another God-given characteristic of ours. This doesn't mean we are all blessed with the "perfect figure" or a slim waistline, but we all posess a soulish beauty. He gave every woman this trait. But this is part of the misunderstanding of all our female qualities. Some women use their beauty for good, and some use it for evil, but let's take a look at God's message to the world-in the feminine form.

Ever heard someone say, "Wow, she's well endowed"? I have. "So, God endows Woman with certain qualities that are essential to relationship, qualities that speak of God. She is inviting. She is vulnerable. She is tender. She embodies mercy. She is also fierce and fiercely devoted. As the old saying goes, 'Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.' That is just how God acts when He isn't chosen. 'I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God who will not share your affection with any other god!' (Ex 20:5) A woman's righteous jealousy speaks of the jealousy of God for us."

Don't be ashamed if you desire to be beautiful. Just remember, your soul is what will make the eternal difference, because beauty is powerful. And to posess it we must be willing to suffer. "Yet, if Christ Himself was perfected through his sufferings, why would I believe God would not do the same with me? Women who are stunningly beautiful are women who have had their hearts enlarged by suffering." Consider your trials and tribulations a blessing- You're becoming more like our precious, Jesus. And remember, ladies, you have a stunning beauty that's just waiting to be unveiled....

Rubies Series-Day 3

As women, our hearts strongly desire two other things. One being, an "irreplaceable role in a great adventure." When I was young, my little brother and I would play outside together. (Until I became too mature, of course!) We would pretend we had been orphaned by our families, left to fend for ourselves out in the wilderness (Mom and Dad's backyard). Everyday was a desperate search for survival. I was the one who shouted orders, the one who skinned live animals, chased away threats, and ALWAYS walked around with a baby doll on my hip. (Other orphans we picked up along the way, of course.) Sure, I was the oldest, but after all, he WAS the boy. As young girls we long to be important, irreplaceable. We love knowing the fact that no one could do what we did. I was striving for that then, and I still strive for it today.

"Women love adventures of all sorts. Whether it be the adventure of horses (most girls go through a horse stage), white water rafting, going to a foreign country, performing onstage, having children, starting a business, or diving ever more deeply into the heart of God, we were made to be a part of a great adventure."

My oldest and dearest friend was OBSESSED with horses as a little girl. And when I say obsessed, I mean it. Her room was decorated in horses, she bought me a toy horse every year for my birthday, and even made me pretend to be a horse with her. We ate grass. Yes, we did. And I claim that is why I don't really like salad to this day. I feel as though I'm a palomino, stopping for lunch. When she got a little older, she received a real horse of her own. Probably the happiest day of her young life. That was the irreplaceable role she played in her very own great adventure.

The thing about women though-"We long to be an irreplaceable part of a shared adventure...Our lives were meant to be lived with others. As echoes of the Trinity, we remember something. Made in the image of a perfect relationship, we are relational to the core of our beings...."

My mom is a perfect example of this. She has had many adventures throughout her life-some greater than others, but she has always played an irreplaceable role. My mother has more good friends now than I'll probably make in a lifetime. Not just "friends", but great friends- near and far. Friends that would drop everything to be with her in a time of need, and she would do the same for them. Friends she consistently keeps up on..whose daughter's pregnant, whose son's getting married, who got into a fight, who kissed and made up. She knows it all. "This is not a weakness in women-it is a glory. A glory that reflects the heart of God." That desire for close, intimate relationships- at THAT capacity tells us of God's desire for a close, intimate relationship with us.

Rubies Series-Day 2

Romance is the deepest thing in life. It is deeper even than reality.

-G.K. Chesterton

    As women, we become more beautiful when we know we're loved. Think of your favorite Cinderella-like movie, the leading lady starts out ignored, un-appreciated, frumpy, and un-important. "Cut off from love, rejected, no one pursuing her, something in a woman wilts like a flower no one waters anymore. She withers into resignation, duty, and shame. The radiance of her countenance goes out, as if a light has been turned off. But this same woman, who everyone thought was rather plain and unengaging, becomes lovely and inviting when she is pursued."

Some of my favorite Cinderella-like leading ladies are Tulah in My Big Fat Greek Wedding and Audry in the Rocky movies. They begin the movies unsure of themselves, hiding behind work and family, until one day...they're pursued. Someone thinks they're special and thinks they have a lot to offer, someone adores them JUST the way they are. They didn't bloom just because they had interest from the opposite sex, they bloomed because they felt worthy of beauty. The best was brought out in them. They were romanced. Our femininity is special. Unique. And through it, we long for romance. But in order to receive this, we mustn't wait for a man.

    In my teenage years I spoke at various churches and youth retreats on the subject of purity and dating. I had a good head on my shoulders, preaching about abstinence, the priviledge of courting, and the dangers of giving your heart away too soon. I had myself convinced that as long as Jesus was my best friend I didn't NEED a boyfriend. I didn't need a man to complete me, but someday I would find one who would compliment me. I was wise to know those things at such a young age, but I didn't know how my NEEDS would change as I grew into a woman. The "best friend" relationship didn't necessarily satisfy anymore. God longs for us to know Him in a different sort of way. Afterall, He calls Himself the "Bridegroom" (Matt. 9:15, Matt 25:1-10, John 3:29). The definition of "bridegroom" is fiance. Lover.

"He wants to heal us through his love to become mature women who actually know him. He wants us to experience verses like, 'Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her' (Hos 2:19). And "You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride" (Song 4:9). Our hearts are desperate for this. What would it be like to experience for yourself that the truest thing about his heart toward ours...is deep, fiery, passionate love? This is, after all, what a woman was made for."

He wants to be more than your best friend. He wants to fill every void left by absent fathers, wounded mothers, loveless marriages, the sin of this world, and self-induced sorrow. He also longs to be your Bridegroom. Through Him, you will take part in the greatest Cinderella-like story ever told.

Rubies Series-Day 1

 
 Today I am starting a series that is wholeheartedly devoted to women. What makes us tick? What IS our worth? What do we mean to God? Sure, I love writing about all things pretty (home decor, and the latest fashions), or all things purple (more to come), but this series is much deeper. It is based on the book "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldredge. They did an amazing job "Unveiling the mystery of a woman's soul." Not everyone is a "reader" like I am. If you are, I strongly encourage you to snag this book and cuddle up. But for those of you who aren't, I'm going to highlight major points for you, include my own spins and experiences, and try my best to do the message justice.
    
    If you grew up in church, or really, have ever just been to church, I'm sure you've hear that women are meant to "serve and submit." Most pastors like to include that in their wedding messages as well. "Wives submit to your husbands." All the women rolls their eyes (go ahead, do it) and the men smile and beat their chests. I've heard it a million times. The verse goes on to say, "Husbands love your wives like Christ loved the church." Well, Christ loved the church (us) so much He gave His life up for it. But we'll get into that another day! I'm married and don't remember that scripture being included in our ceremony...unless I purposely blocked it out. So, women, we are to be sweet, helpful, quiet, encouraging, composed, disciplined, hard working, and supportive, right? This way, all will look our way and say, "Wow, what a great wife", or "What a strong, godly woman." Well, if that woman DOES exist, she is definitely tired. I know I don't want to live in the shadow of "the perfect woman" who does everything right. "Captivating" isn't about whether or not we measure up. It's not a self-help book, or a 10 ways to do...whatever, book. I just finished one of those-10 Steps to Financial Wellness. Finances MAY be summed up 10 steps, but the secret of a woman's heart cannot.
    
    Our hearts are vital, they do more than just pump blood. Proverbs 4:23 says, "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." Our hearts are the most important thing about us, our biggest asset. God's placed desires in our hearts for a reason. All women have innate, God-given desires. The first thing we ALL long for is to be romanced.

     The book quotes Nathaniel speaking to Cora in The Last of the Mohicans, "No matter how long it takes, no matter how far-I will find you." What woman doesn't want those words spoken to her? What woman, in her heart of hearts, doesn't desperately long to be wanted, pursued, sought after? None that I can speak of. Sure, this world and our own sinful ways might rough us up enough to no longer show the vulnerability we once had as a child, but the longing is there. As young girls we desire to be precious to someone. Most often, that someone is daddy. I do not have the most affectionate father in the world, but I never, not once, thought he didn't love me. I always felt safe, secure, and loved by him. But I would say, I am part of the minority. There are so many who weren't as fortunate as I in the daddy department. Abandonment, neglect (more emotional than physical) will affect a little girl all the way into adulthood.
  
    In adulthood, we desire to be wanted in a different way; pursued, chased, important to someone. It's our innate desire to love someone fully and have him love us that way in return. Not a daddy-love, but a fierce, passionate, I'll-take-a-bullet-for-you love. So, where does this come from? It comes from God. We are made in His image; Men and women both. He desires a relationship with us. He LONGS to be close to us, to be our best friend and so much more. Women, we've received this trait from our Heavenly Father. There's no shame in a successful, single woman, willing to give it all-for the love of her life.
   
    As far back as I can remember, all I knew for sure is someday I wanted to get married and have children. Other dreams and career goals changed from year to year..or month to month. But the only thing that didn't was my desire for a family. The want..or better yet, the NEED to give love and receive love is born in us. It is buried down deep in our hearts and that's because we're like our Father:)





The significance of rubies is explained at farmorethanrubies-karlee@blogspot.com