perfectionism

Perfectionism: (per-fek-shuh-niz-uh m)

- noun

a personal standard, attitude, or philosophy that demands perfection and rejects anything less.

I have a tendancy to strive for perfectionism. I can finally admit it, after being told so for a very long time. It's a subconscious thing, but can definitely become a way of life. People don't do things good enough, or don't meet my high standards. Hence the reason I dated so little before settling into marriage. I come across very confident, and I am, but no one is without their insecurities. I remember my junior year, my dad asked who I was going to prom with. "No one asked me." I answered.

"Well, I wouldn't ask you out if I was a 17 yr old boy either." He said.

"Wow, thanks, Dad."

"I just mean that I would be too intimidated to approach you." He explained.

I honestly wasn't bothered by not being asked to prom, because the truth was, there wasn't anyone I would have gone with anyway (of course.) I was more perplexed by my dad's reaction to the situation.

As I got older, I became a little more aware of the way I came across. I've never been a "mean girl," don't enjoy myself at the expense of others, and I would walk through fire before purposely hurting someone I care about, but I did have flaws. I did, and still do, care about what people think of me. I didn't want people thinking less of me for whatever reason. I longed to be accepted and "thought of" in a good light. Not that this is a terrible sin, but it lead to a struggle with being perfect.

No one is perfect. No one is without flaws of all kinds, except Jesus. He died for my flaws. For my every wrong decision, he shed his precious blood. As seven year old, Finn, explained so eloquently, "He died for love."
Not requiring too much of myself and others is probably going to be a lifelong lesson, but I'm willing to struggle and learn to achieve contentedness. Let this encourage you to not strive for what is unachievable, but to be content with the relationships, blessings, talents, and gifts you've been given.